3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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