I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
