In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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