My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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