it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
