Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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