i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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