I wish my penis had an off switch
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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