sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
