somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
