420 ftw
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
