I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
