So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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