why do cheetos always look like penises
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
