hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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