At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
