...so i touched it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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