I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
