Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
