He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
