It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
