Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize