hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
