We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
