so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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