and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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