At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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