dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
