Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
