Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
