She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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