conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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