You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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