what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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