I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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