Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize