god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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