if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
