whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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