you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
