when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
