I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
