So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He did a backflip because drugs
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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