1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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