remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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