i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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