We're like a lot better than the average bears
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
