How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
