so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
