hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize