Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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