If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
