he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
