Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
