You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize