that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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