I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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