I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pooping to opera.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
