I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im six kinds of drunk right now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
