have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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