We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
