Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
