dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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