i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
