Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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