Kiss
Puke
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
