Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
