I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
