thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude i'm inner monologue high
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize